God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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