**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
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