Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
