I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize