I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
