and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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