so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
