After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
