I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
