A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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