It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
