You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
