I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
