We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize