I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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