i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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