Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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