You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
