now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
