First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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