Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
