I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
