you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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