forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
