I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
