Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
