I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
They have beer where we have blood.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize