There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
