got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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