Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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