census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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