I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Your penis caused this!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
