I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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