You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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