Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
