Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize