dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
