I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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