Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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