You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
