so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
