you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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