No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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