I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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