we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
