at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
