i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
