If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
bring money and cleavage
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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