Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
