God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize