Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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