My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
