Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
