Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
