i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
