I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
