Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
