I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
