Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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