I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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