i don't plan on having that self control this summer
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I want a musical about memes.
I canโt shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. Itโs like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
