I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
