I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
