I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
