Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
