he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
