I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
