I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
