New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize