I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
They have beer where we have blood.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize